My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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