i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
