Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He has the fingertips of a God
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