how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
