I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
