Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
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I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
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His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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