i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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