Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
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The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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