rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
