That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
