Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
