I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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