Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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