last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize
