This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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