Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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