I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
