Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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