this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
