I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize