that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
