my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
