I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
