I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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