almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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