'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
