Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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