Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
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Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
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So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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