i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
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It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
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Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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