clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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