I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
