I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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