Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
