i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
