There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
