My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
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I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
only you would photoshop your dick
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
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You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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