i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
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Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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