He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
