Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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