Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
