So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
