I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
