I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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