checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
