oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
