That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
His hands were made for my vagina.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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