I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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