He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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