I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
