he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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