when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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