It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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