we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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