You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
