Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
