It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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