she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
