I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
