Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
