I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She announced her abortion via fbk
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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