Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
