need another drink. this is the easiest way
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
