I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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