just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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