I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
