I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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